EMPIRE-OF-HUMOR

Patient Joke A stutterer walks in to a doctor’s office and says, “Doc-c-c-tor, my s-s-s-stuttering is a real p-p-pain in the n-n-neck, please help.” - The doctor examines him and finally finds the root of the problem: “Well, Mr Denny, the thing is, your pecker is too big and takes up too much blood that would normally go in the brain. We have to operate and take at least a half of it off.” - A month after the operation the stutterer comes back for a check-up and sighs, “Doctor, it really helped my stuttering and that is a relief. But my wife is very unhappy with the situation. Could the amputated bit be sewn back on, please?” - Doctor: “Sorry, but n-n-n-n-no.” Babies Joke A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back ...

Crazy Joke Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving? I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play. Cool Joke What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving? The family dog’s nose. Funny Quotes “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” Jon Stewart Thanksgiving Joke What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving? Traditionally, the letter G. Aunt Joke Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner? It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey. Funny Facts In 2001, a seven foot bull shark bit off a boy’s arm. His uncle not only saved the boy, but dived in after the shark, wrestled it to shore where the shark was shot, retrieved the boy’s arm and it was sewn back on in the hospital. Dentist Joke Why did the Donut visit the dentist? To get a new filling. Marriage Joke Why did the bee marry? He’s finally found his honey....

जज: (नवीन नवऱ्यास) तुम्हाला घटस्फोट का हवा आहे? नवरा: कारण बायको मला लसूण सोलायला लावते, कांदे कापायला सांगते, भांडी घासायला आणि कपडे धुवायला सांगते. जज: मग त्यात एवढे अवघड काय आहे? लसूण थोडा गरम करून घ्या म्हणजे सोलायला सोपा होईल, कांदे कापण्यापूर्वी ते काही वेळ फ्रीजमध्ये ठेवा म्हणजे कापताना डोळे जळजळणार नाहीत. भांडी घासण्यापूर्वी १० मिनिटे पाण्याच्या टबमध्ये ठेवा म्हणजे लवकर स्वच्छ होतील आणि कपडे धुण्यापूर्वी अर्धा तास सर्फमध्ये भिजत ठेवा म्हणजे एकही डाग राहाणार नाही. नवरा: माय लाॅर्ड, आता मला समजले. माझा अर्ज मला परत द्या. जज: काय समजले? नवरा: हेच की आपली अवस्था माझ्यापेक्षाही वाईट आहे. एक मुलगा देवाला विचारतो, 'तिला गुलाबाचं फूल का आवडतं??? ते तर एका दिवसात मरून जातं....! मग तिला मी का आवडत नाही ??? मी तर तिच्यासाठी रोज मरत असतो.......! 'देव उत्तर देतात, . . . . . . 'भारी रे....! एक नंबर ....! ती समोरच्या दुकानात गेली.... . तिथं दुकानदाराचा तरुण देखणा मुलगा सोडला तर दुसरं कोणीही नव्हतं... . ती थोडीशी लाजुन म्हणाली, 'बोलायचं आहे' तो : बोला... ती : तुम्ही खुप छान...

PRANKS 09 GAGS 09 BEST COMEDIANS 09 OTHER COMEDIANS 09 JOKES 09 Mr. BEAN 09 This is a post on funny videos for kids.

Sexist Joke I was looking for that thing that peels potatoes, apples and carrots. I’ve asked my kids if they had any idea. Apparently she left 2 days ago. Women Joke 1. You should have a woman who works at home, who cooks, keeps things tidy and has a job. 2. You should have a woman who can make you smile and laugh. 3. You should have a woman you can trust, a woman who never lies to you. 4. You should have a woman who is good in bed and enjoys spending time with you. 5. And you should always, always keep these four women from ever meeting each other. Winter Joke Wife sends a text message to her husband on a really cold winter morning: Windows are totally frozen, will not open. Husband replies: “Carefully pour some warm water over it and tap the edges first with your hand, if that doesn’t work, then gently with a hammer.” 15 minutes later, the wife texts back: “Oh no, I think the laptop is now totally gone.” Husband Joke My new wife left me because of my huge insecurity problems....

Alcoholic Joke How can they call it "Alcoholics Anonymous" when the first thing you do is you stand up and say, ‘My name is John and I am an alcoholic’? Funny Joke Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!" Optimist: "Nah, of course they can!" Peanuts Joke A nice old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. He’s happy to take some. He asks her after a while why she isn’t having any herself. “Oh, young man,” she says, “they’re too hard on my poor teeth, I couldn’t.” “Why did you buy them at all then?” wonders the driver. “You see, I just love the chocolate they’re covered in!” Shark Joke A mom shark is teaching her son how to hunt swimmers properly. - “So, first you go and circle them making sure your fin is showing. And then you go at them full blast and eat them.” “OK, but why don’t I just go at them full blast and eat them right away?” “I guess you could, son, but would you really want to eat them with all that shit in their intest...

Weight Joke It’s all a matter of viewpoint. 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. Fat? No. I’m just not on the right planet. Dinner Joke A cannibal came home late to family dinner. He got the cold shoulder. Magic Joke A magician was driving down the road and turned into a shopping mall. Drugs Joke I do say no to drugs. It’s just they’re not so good at listening. Job Joke You can’t fire me! Slaves can only be sold!! Exorcism Joke If you forget to pay for exorcism, will you get repossessed? Time Joke Future. The time you’ll wish you’d done more in the current present. Money Joke I kept trying to feed money into the change machine yesterday, but nothing changed! Marriage Joke I don’t think it would work between us, Larry. You know, I’m a Libra and you’re an pig. Drunk Joke "I wasn't that drunk yesterday." "Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying." Cleaning Joke Of course I should clean my windows. But privacy is i...

Witty Joke Man to his wife: ' I’d never say you’re fat! You’re just a bit more visible. Ghost Joke Why are ghost such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through. Nose Joke What would you call a person who had no body and no nose? Nobody knows. Naughty Joke I saw this sweet poor old lady fall down the stairs and hurt herself. At least I assume she was poor because I didn’t find more than 3.50 in her wallet. Calendar Joke Here, I bought you a calendar. Your days are numbered now. Fish Joke Where do fish sleep? In the River Bed. Talk Joke Talk is cheap, yeah? Have you ever talked to a lawyer?! Driving Joke My wife’s driving test went surprisingly well yesterday. She got 7 out of 12. The 5 managed to run to safety. Hospital Joke I called the hospital but the line was dead. Husband Joke Husband: Wow, honey, you look really different today. Did you do something to your hair? Wife: Michael, I’m over here! Tree Joke Do you know a tree’s favorite drink? Root beer! P...