Funny Clean Jokes Short
Aunt Joke
My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?” We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.
Fish Joke
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Grandpa Joke
Little Johnny tells his friend, "My grandpa died yesterday." Friend asks, "Oh, how did that happen?" Johnny, "He hit his thumb with a hammer." Friend, "But you can't die of that!" Johnny, "I know but he wouldn't stop screaming and cursing so we had to shoot him."
Doctor Joke
Doctor to a patient: "I have good and bad news for you. Which one would you like to hear first?" "The good one please." "I found the diagnosis of your illness, it means you have two days to live." "And the bad one?" "I’ve been trying to reach you for two days."
Patient Joke
Patient: Oh Doctor, I’m starting to forget things. Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? Patient: What condition?
Silly Joke
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t really matter what you call him, he won’t come anyway.
Baseball Joke
Why are orphans unable to play baseball?
They’ve never known what home is.
Dog Joke
A man walks into a shop and sees a very handsome dog. He asks the shop assistant, “Does your dog bite?” “No, my dog doesn’t bite.” The man happily tries to pet the dog, but the dog attacks him viciously. A little later he stumbles to the shop clerk, “Hey, you said your dog doesn’t bite!” The shop clerk shrugs, “He doesn’t. But that wasn’t my dog.”
Ex Joke
My ex had an accident. I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for her. Finally she’ll experience what rejection is really like.
Drink Joke
Sparkly water was invented by the Germans.
Who else would think of adding gas?
Accident Joke
On a mountain trip a man falls down into a crack. His wife calls after him, “Are you OK?” “Yeah!” “Are you hurt?” “No!” “Not a scratch? How come?!“ “I’m not done falling yet-et-et-et-et!”
Suicide Joke
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq.. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Marriage Joke
An 87-year-old man chats with his doctor: “So, I'm getting married again next week, doc!” “Oh, that’s wonderful! And how old is the bride?” “She’s 19.” “That’s fantastic – but I have to warn you, too much action in the bed can be deadly!” “Ah well, if she dies, I’ll just have to remarry.”
Shooting Joke
Son comes into the kitchen, visibly shaken. The father asks him what happened. - “Dad, I’m so sorry, I shot Grandma by mistake!” - “Are you insane?! We’ve still got half of Grandpa left in the freezer!“
Husband Wife Joke
A man wakes from a coma. The wife changes out of her black clothes and irritated, remarks, "I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!"
Hospital Joke
Patient: "Doctor! Doctor! Help me - I cannot feel my legs!" Doctor: "Don’t panic, that’s perfectly normal. It’s because I amputated your arms!"
This is a post on funny clean jokes short.
My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?” We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.
Fish Joke
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Grandpa Joke
Little Johnny tells his friend, "My grandpa died yesterday." Friend asks, "Oh, how did that happen?" Johnny, "He hit his thumb with a hammer." Friend, "But you can't die of that!" Johnny, "I know but he wouldn't stop screaming and cursing so we had to shoot him."
Doctor Joke
Doctor to a patient: "I have good and bad news for you. Which one would you like to hear first?" "The good one please." "I found the diagnosis of your illness, it means you have two days to live." "And the bad one?" "I’ve been trying to reach you for two days."
Patient Joke
Patient: Oh Doctor, I’m starting to forget things. Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? Patient: What condition?
Silly Joke
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t really matter what you call him, he won’t come anyway.
Baseball Joke
Why are orphans unable to play baseball?
They’ve never known what home is.
Dog Joke
A man walks into a shop and sees a very handsome dog. He asks the shop assistant, “Does your dog bite?” “No, my dog doesn’t bite.” The man happily tries to pet the dog, but the dog attacks him viciously. A little later he stumbles to the shop clerk, “Hey, you said your dog doesn’t bite!” The shop clerk shrugs, “He doesn’t. But that wasn’t my dog.”
Ex Joke
My ex had an accident. I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for her. Finally she’ll experience what rejection is really like.
Drink Joke
Sparkly water was invented by the Germans.
Who else would think of adding gas?
Accident Joke
On a mountain trip a man falls down into a crack. His wife calls after him, “Are you OK?” “Yeah!” “Are you hurt?” “No!” “Not a scratch? How come?!“ “I’m not done falling yet-et-et-et-et!”
Suicide Joke
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq.. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Marriage Joke
An 87-year-old man chats with his doctor: “So, I'm getting married again next week, doc!” “Oh, that’s wonderful! And how old is the bride?” “She’s 19.” “That’s fantastic – but I have to warn you, too much action in the bed can be deadly!” “Ah well, if she dies, I’ll just have to remarry.”
Shooting Joke
Son comes into the kitchen, visibly shaken. The father asks him what happened. - “Dad, I’m so sorry, I shot Grandma by mistake!” - “Are you insane?! We’ve still got half of Grandpa left in the freezer!“
Husband Wife Joke
A man wakes from a coma. The wife changes out of her black clothes and irritated, remarks, "I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!"
Hospital Joke
Patient: "Doctor! Doctor! Help me - I cannot feel my legs!" Doctor: "Don’t panic, that’s perfectly normal. It’s because I amputated your arms!"
This is a post on funny clean jokes short.
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